Don't be so hard on yourself, Melissa. I ask myself that same question often when I look in the mirror. Life's what's happening to you, Darlin' -- up to you how you wanna ride it out. Sounds like your new-found, photography bug is a great start! While I don't suffer nerve pain, I did have a stroke in 2012 (they did figure out why that happened) and just a few weeks ago, a seizure (still waiting on test results from that to figure out why) That said, it seems to me the advice Pavane Ravel gave in the first comment here seems worth investigating, No?

Figure out a way to reach out to more folk in any way you can, since you love doing that. Above all else, talk to SOMEONE about how you're feeling so you can get some of it out!

Take care of yourself and keep snapping those pics and writing your thoughts out where you can -- I'm sure it'll help!! Not sure how much you can make here, but I'm following you to give as many claps as I can to not only help in that way, but to keep an eye on you to see how you're doing.