James, having lived in Key West from 1981-1983, I learned so much about the run of the virus -- AND ME!! I learned about bug-chasing from my friend, Gary who died while I was still living there. And I couldn't wrap my head around it until he talked to me about the "despair" about which you write. He always said, "Deb, if I'm gonna die, I might as well be happy doing it!"

Gary was Black, and AZT was not an option for him, at the time, even in Key West. I had a white friend, we called him "Tall Jim" because this Mofo was a giant! Jim had access to AZT and took an inordinate amount of pills (for me anyway) daily back then. To my knowledge (having been gone for quite some time now), Tall Jim's still alive, living with his partner. Access is so fuck*n important, Man. So damned important...